Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
