YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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