We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
