I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
