I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
