he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
