So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
