when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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