I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ok first of all what the fuck
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
