"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
