So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
