This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
