piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
