its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
