That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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