I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its liver damage thursday
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
