That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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