Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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