Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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