The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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