happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
