I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
