No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
