THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
