theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
