member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
