Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
