I want to stick my p in your. b.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
