He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
