Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize