He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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