He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What a dumb baby whore.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
