So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
