i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will pee on everything he values.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
