And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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