I've blown a few things in my day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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