Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
