But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
