Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Im part way to drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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