If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
