You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
