3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize