i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
