My liver just broke up with me...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
These tits shall not be calmed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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