hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
