I just cut my nipple shaving
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
