Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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