Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
