New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
