For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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