I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize