cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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