I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I understand Curling. That high.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
