She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
