i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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