This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
