I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
