I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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