So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize