Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
