I puked a lego.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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