she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
