Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
