wakey wakey hands off snakey
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
