I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
