Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I will pee on everything he values.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
