I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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