its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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