When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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