butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
